TERMINOLOGY |
MEANING |
Scope |
It’s what has to be done. Always too general for some and too specific for others… Never right! |
Resources |
Funding and people authorised fro the project. Never enough and always in the wrong denominations. |
Schedule |
How much time you have to get it all done. Never Enough. |
Project Manager |
You. The person responsible for everything, and in control of nothing. |
Sponsor |
The one that wanted it in the first place. The one that shudders when you walk in because you always bring a problem, and give them way too many details. |
Customer |
The group that want things their way. |
Vendor |
The other group that wants things their way. |
Users |
People addicted to the old way. |
Escalation |
A process that defies gravity, and moves problems uphill. |
Documentation |
The last task in a project, or later. |
Flowcharts |
Cubicle art. |
Team |
Your best friends. the group that, when asked who caused a problem, forms a circle and each person points to the left. |
Work group |
An oxymoron. |
Oxymoron’s |
People that take more than their share of oxygen from a project. |
Project plan |
A deliverable assigned to the most annoying person on the project, who doesn’t recognise his or her work is done after the project has started and is going according to plan. |
Almost done |
where you are after Day 1 of the project. What you say when the “80% done” answer stops working. |
Proposal |
A document of sweeping generalisations. |
Testing |
What development is called when the development schedule has passed. |
Testing |
What the end-users do when the testing schedule has passed. Sometimes called Post-implementation support. |
Process reengineering |
Todays processes, turned sideways. |
Key performance indicators |
Objective measures of failure, most often advocated by opponents. Never tracked. |
Critical success factors |
An early view of the blunders you will certainly make. |